Saturday, June 22

My Love

Love, you surprised me with this beautiful gift.

Making my raya visit to your house this year was really lovely.

Apart from the hospitality, my mum and yours had common topics to talk about.
I get to pet both your cats, M & M.
They are like fluffy carpets.

Thank you and your family for entertaining us.
I wish my dad can treat you better as a guest in my house.

I hope one day we’ll be together forever alongside their blessings.

Also, sadly today my distant nephew, had just passed on.

Innalillahi wainna ilaihi rajiuun.
May he be in the highest place of Jannah.

Selamat Hari Raya.

Tuesday, May 28

Enough is Enough

10 years since the loss of my precious grandmother.
And this 10 years have never been peaceful up til today.
I literally have no energy nor words to express here because it’s time consuming and tiring.

But today, I’m going to share with you, as my memory.

This is about what goes around in Aly’s family

Basically, my mum and dad are not in sync in terms of their communication and understanding.
At times when one is at the wrong, he or she will retaliate and can turn the whole world upside down.
And at times, they don’t even care to settle the situations anymore.

So I’m going to start off with dad first.

He claimed to be a family oriented, hardworking and patient person.
Fun fact: One of the three facts above is not that relevant.

For more than 20 years, he is known as a trusted and hardworking manager at his company.
He provided Aly family with sufficient shelter, food and clothes.
I rarely hear him making any noises about his problems at work nor with mum.
He doesn’t get angry easily. I still remember when I often failed my mathematics subject.
He asked me to practice more, from then on i know he’s doing a good job as a father.

From what I noticed nowadays, he spent time at home, mostly with his e-gadgets or smoking.
He does this when he is home alone, argued with mum or stressed from work.

However, there is another weakness.
He rarely brings the family out anymore and expects me (or the other members) to execute a plan.
I know he’s tired and all but I thought it will be a good opportunity for him to spend QUALITY time with us if he’s the one who plans it. Whenever we plan out, he will always stress on the money part.
Which is ridiculous sometimes. I remember for Iqah Birthday, we were supposed to eat out at some decent restaurants, but he ended up bringing us to some cheap boring place, which we can find nearby our house. Sigh.

I ever gave my parents a pair of cinema and gardens by the bay tickets for them to reconnect again.
Even when the date of tickets expires, he doesn’t remember about them.

My sister told me to stop putting effort on them since our dad is not doing the same for us.
I got into thinking for awhile and agreed soon after.

He wants to teach us about the value of our money.
We understand but if you keep on restricting us from spending any money of yours,
I don’t see why do you even bother to have children when you don’t pamper them a few times.
We don’t ask for Chanel bags or Loboutin heels.
We just want our dad to communicate with, to know and love his family inside out.

Apart from that, he is also an unorganised person.
Just look at the way this house is, or the car.
So much stuffs that mum will always nag or scold him.
I also dislike the way my dad sleeps with his kain. Or wake up late. It’s really annoying.

And one thing I discovered, he remembers those who disrespects him.
He will not help those people with that negative attitude/behaviour.

Silent but deadly.

Moving on to mum, I have a lot to say about her.

She’s an extremely kind person and excellent in making people laugh, with or at her.
I like and miss her cooking now. Sigh.

Ever since grandma’s gone, she doesn’t seem to know what she’s supposed to do.
I am jealous of mum as she’s now a full time housewife, which is a golden opportunity here.

However, she did her chores nearly poorly.
As she’s in the 50s, she tends to avoid change and stays in her comfort zone.

I know she’s aged and is going thru menopause.
But come on, not cooking proper dishes? Misplace our outfits? Not changing curtains?
Not throwing the rubbish ? Omg I can’t believe she ever waited for one of us to reach home and throw it for her. And her reason for not doing the chores is either “tired” or “no time”.

I ever witnessed she’s watching videos for hours and not doing any chores in between.
She loves watching loads of dramas. So one thing she learnt, is to...

Shout at all of us.
She can’t control her boiling anger when she got mad.
Sometimes she’s mad for all the stupid reasons like I’m not spreading enough butter on the bread.
Or she herself dropped a plastic cup on the floor.

She will pass her anger mostly at me and my sister whenever she’s not satisfied with dad.
Which I find it atrocious. How can you scold us when we do nothing wrong in the first place?

The part i hate the most is when she screams at me.
When i had enough, i will look away and roll my eyes or sigh loudly.
And there she goes. Screaming, “just shut up/diamlah” when I’m not even uttering anything.

I suspected she was referring to the voice in her head.
Not trying to make her sound crazy but i think you get it.

I don’t see why i should spend time and money on her anymore.
I’m tired and done.

I don’t hate my family.
But I don’t know how to fix this broken link.
I hope Allah fits us back together like a jigsaw puzzle.

That is all for now.
Good night.