Sick of Life

Howl’s Moving Castle; Sophie.

My internship ended late January. Now is March. I am turning 28 soon and have yet to find myself a proper and stable job because I don’t know what job I’m good at…

Speaking of jobs, I am going to be working two kinds at the moment. Truthfully, I am so exhausted. I want to retire and cook for my family everyday. Perhaps just be a housewife at this point.

But no it’s impossible to do that, here. *rolls eyes

By the way, I patched up with him. He’s slightly healed but will still need some time to fully recover. In this relationship, I erased expectations of any sort, so I am just going with the flow now until I don’t know when.

I’m tired of my life, of my thoughts… everything else. Once in every few days my eyes will tear up and in my head will start asking questions like when will this end? 

I’m so sick of being me. Always making mistakes and always sensitive to people’s comments. Sick of everything. Ya Allah I’m very tired and wish that You turn my sorrows into happiness.

Wish Came True

 

He got discharged yesterday and I was truly happy to get his text once again. It was all good until midnight came.

At 0034 hours, the man that I wanted to be with for the rest of my life broke up with me through text.

The reason was because he could not take it anymore due to the fact that I have no sense of urgency and did not know who to prioritise when it comes to emergency.

Frankly, it was a mistake that I wished I didn’t make. I applogised few times too. However God has better plans. Maybe he hasn’t recover fully, and if it’s true that me and him should belong together down the road, it will never be for somebody else. 

Thank you my dear for the past 4 years.