Disappointments

Disappointments upon disappointments.

I've come to realise that I failed in so many things. Countless of things.

Someone religious once told me that "before we were born out of the womb, we chose our path of life."

I began wondering, "how do we know what we have chosen?"

After 21 years of living, I reflected all my accomplishments and failures. Guess what, the failures are about to outweigh the accomplishments.

It's hard to accept this myself. I dislike me now. I hate the weak me. The desires that seem to find triumph over my faith. I hate my ugly habits and miserable attitude.

I NEED TO BE STRONG AND I WILL.
For Allah's sake. And for my own good.
I have to hurt myself a little in order to be strong.
Don't take this wrong way. I know what I am doing. Insanity is not taking over me.

Here's the thing about me being all upset:
I failed so much I feel like tearing up all night. I failed in making my parents proud. I failed in advancing my studies, I failed at keeping intimate relationships strong,I failed at adapting to working environment. I failed at fulfilling my faith needs. I failed in expressing words of how I truly feel. I failed in fashion. I failed in dunya. Pretty much, everything you could think of.

Tell me, how am I supposed to face people and smile.. After all these that have happened to me. I'm very emotional right now. I'm just a SAD HUMAN.

Disappointments.
Is it a part of me?
Can someone hold me tight..
Assure me that it's not the end of everything..